TOP 10 THINGS TO DO BEFORE YOU LEAVE THE HOUSE

Hi there!

This is going to be a break from the usual stuff that I blog about.

Hope you find it amusing...

Bob

I read this today in a magazine for men.

(I know what you are thinking. Bob reads?)

Anyway, the following was written by a woman who goes by "The Etiquette Eagle"

(I know what you are thinking. Bob knows what the word etiquette means?)

TOP 10 THINGS TO DO BEFORE YOU LEAVE THE HOUSE:

1. Make sure you (or your barber) have trimmed your ear hairs.

Me: Barber? I thought barbers only gave those flat top haircuts? I prefer plucking my ear hairs out while I watch Home and Garden television.

2. When shaving, take a few extra minutes to clip those nose hairs.

Me: Shaving? Whats shaving? Nose hairs? That's Gods natural air filter!
And I prefer how they form a natural bridge between my nose and the top of my mustache.

3. Trim your finger nails and consider getting your cuticles cut professionally.

Me: If I trimmed my fingernails they wouldn't collect that fudge like dirt under them and people would think that I was a girly man.

4. Wear up to date frames on your glasses. Old frames make you look older.

Me: I wear glasses so I can see. Who cares about the frames as long as you don't use tape to wrap the bridge. And paperclips are a perfectly acceptable replacement part for screws.

5. Polish your shoes. Men judge other men by their watches and their shoes.

Me: Seriously? You are kidding me, right? Well, it is a great feeling to know that other men don't judge me as I don't wear a watch or shoes that can be polished.

And if somebody judges people by watches and shoes, believe me, that is not my idea of a man.

 

6. Wear a watch and polish it! Your cell phone IS NOT a watch! We can't tell if you're checking text messages or email. It is RUDE to look at your phone while in a conversation with someone.

Me: If I wore a watch I would be late. Who wants that? Why is it important for a woman to know if a man is texting or checking email? Gosh, some women really are nosey aren't they? And actually, I prefer to watch the road when I am on the phone. Come to think of it, I find it rude that you would try to have a conversation with me while I was looking at my phone.

7. Polish your belt. The oils and dirt from your hands dull the leather of your belt.

Me: How does one polish a rope? How can oil dull anything? Makes my forehead real shiny I know that!

8. Make sure your clothes are neatly pressed and clean.

Me: I prefer sloppily pressed and dirty clothes myself. I feel that they distract from all of my other physical imperfections.

9. We all have favorite shirts and pants, but get rid of the ones that are too worn.

Me: If my parents followed that rule I would have grown up naked. Do people really have favorite shits and pants? Maybe favorite t shirts and sweat pants with expandable waist lines.

10. Whiten your teeth. You can look ten years younger just by brightening your smile!

Me: If I started whitening my teeth that would mean that I would have to start brushing them.